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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 04:53
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
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Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
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Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 21:41
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